Small businesses under Labour have not thrived and 40 pubs a week closing is not only a national disgrace, but actually, a national emergency.

Let us not forget the sterling work pubs actually did for us as a society.  For a start, it’s where we used to meet our neighbours, both strangers to the community and the best of friends.  It’s where the young got to know the old.  Where men got to know women.  And where songs and laughter and joyful shouts from casual sex rang out…If the English are famous for anything around the world it is our drinking culture and the pub, the informal gathering place, part of our national make-up. It makes Britain Britain. 

Okay, maybe that’s a bit of dewy-eyed nostalgia.  However, that the pub played and still plays an integral role in the community surely is not up for question.

Unfortunately with the VAT increase we can expect a s***load more to close.  As the landlord last night said, “It’s not just the two and a half percent – it’s the two and a half percent on the lights, on the heating, on deliveries, on the gas for the beer, etcetera etcetera etcetera…I tell you mate, after this I’m going to have to put up the beer about 25 – 30p per pint.  How many people around here are going to stomach that.”

That’s an easy question to answer.  Not many.  People don’t have the money to put over the bar.  Drugs, and very badly cut one’s at that (when will the Government-any f***ing Government grow up about Drugs- if you’re looking to Canada for policy, then try Vancouver for Drug Policy!),

Drugs are the order of the day.  They are the cheaper alternative to booze, and this act’ll make them cheaper still.

As I speak to my new friend, the Barkeep - you see I’m new to the neighbourhood and the pub still seems the best way to get to know people - I find it politic to not mention that price increases on the actual beer itself have been more than hinted at in the papers every day for the last fortnight.  It would only gild the lilly and I don’t like to kick a man when he’s down.

First off promises are already being broken - “we won’t touch frontline services” has magically transformed to “there will be pain for all of us, everywhere”.

Apparently they’re carefully studying Canada’s response to their own budget crisis in the early nineties - one of the best things Canada did then was to enforce early retirement, giving people a pay out and pensions and creating a million new jobs for the young, who needed the money for homes and spent in the economy. I think we can guarantee that this rather humane and caring response will not be employed.

The retirement age will rise, as will taxes for the poor and tax breaks for the rich. Osborne has already promised the business world that Britain’s Business Tax will be the lowest in the G20. What he needs now is high unemployment to seal the deal with the business leaders and get rid of the minimum wage.

Cameron has already started hinting at people on benefits, benefit bill too much, can’t pay ourselves more than we earn etc etc …this is where the cuts will start, “on your bike” tebbit-ism is set to return. Just listen to Cam-call-me-Dave’s speeches.

Part of the bizarre double act of Nick Clegg and Cameron “Call me Twat” is the good cop bad cop routine they are employing. As if Dave is the traffic-cone sized dildo set to be rammed up the country’s arse and Clegg is the vaseline.

“It’ll hurt you” promises Dave.
“Not that much” re-assures Nick.

To take the analogy’s further… In another part of town smug George (a REAL tory, not the desperate to be liked vacuous Dave) sets himself up like a scene in Hostel 2.

The wealthy, podgy, pudgy faced smug George sidles out of the shadows. Brittannia, lovely, young, semi-naked, strapped into a torture-chair and scared-shitless shivers “What do you want from me?”

Smug George walks camly to the desk of implements, some rusted with blood, others shiny new, as he looks at them a sliver of spittle dribbles from his mouth.

“What the hell are you going to do?” asks Brittania, fear raising her voice.

George turns, holding a razor in his pudgy ham-coloured hand, “I’m going to cut you,” he whispers, more saliva oozes out, “I’ll cut you and cut you and cut you, because I want to see how many I can do to you.” He pauses, and then with a gentler, almost human voice, “I’ve got to,” he says.

Brittania urinates.

George smiles and raises the blade.

Watching on a monitor a naked Dave Cameron and Nick Clegg mutually masturbate each other.
“This is so wrong,” says Nick, “so dirty. It’s going against everything I stood for.”

“Hush” says Dave, jerking faster, “This is just like school, remember.”

The album is finally here 

Its available to download from the Debt Records Shop ; and also check out the label mates - the one thing I really love about Debt records is the sheer quality and breadth of the music they support. 

A massive thanks to Biff Roxby for all of his work on this project.  It truly wouldn’t have happened without him.  The cast, Michelle Ashton, Jay Booton, David C Byrne, Julie Chapman-Lavelle and Debt Mate Richard Barry give stellar performances and not a little effort. 

The first review is here

The main body of the recording is complete and the release date is set for St Georges Day in April.  The Album will be free to download on St Georges Day.

I’ll be playing one-off promotional gigs to plug the album.  I’ve just confirmed the Rosemary Branch on the 25th April. More Dates, venues to follow.

NEW SHOW -

The next show that the newly formed MonkeyDo company (me) will be doing is a solo show entitled Welcome to Afghanistan.  It’s a selection of monologues and eye-witness accounts from Britain’s first Afghan campaign from 1839 -1842.  The Script is being written with friend and colleague John Banks and the productions Edinburgh run is being produced in association with Jon Bonfiglio of Kuiperfest.  The show is set to debut at Kuiperfest this year, before playing in London, Preston and then Edinburgh.

EDINBURGH

I’ll be taking two shows up this year, the aforementioned Welcome to Afghanistan and Welcome to the UK.   They are both part of the PBH Free Fringe.

Afghanistan is on at Jenny Ha’s (bottom of the royal mile opposite parliament) at 1.50 PM every afternoon from the 7th - 28th missing Mondays 16th & 23rd.

UK is on at Banshee Labyrinth 6.20 PM every evening from the 7 - 28th missing those two Mondays also.

Bring Money!

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/manchester/hi/people_and_places/music/newsid_8338000/8338976.stm

And here for photos http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/manchester/hi/people_and_places/music/newsid_8353000/8353079.stm

The  night itself was fantastic, good solid support, real good fun, and damn good wine!

Thanks to all who came, raise a glass to debt - read more about them here, and bless them on their oddysey to bring enlightened music to the masses (with a little hint of stand up poetry also)

http://www.debtrecords.net/

The link is to an preview in a local journal - http://www.thisishullandeastriding.co.uk/entertainment/Monkey-Poet-Matt-Panesh-play-Hull-Truck-Theatre/article-1408519-detail/article.html